Funny People? More Really Fucking Annoying People.

This morning (well at noon, but that's morning to me) I went with my fellow blogger to check out Judd Apatow's latest offering Funny People. Two and a half grueling hours later all I got was a shitty bag of popcorn and a strong desire to get my $12.50 back. I'm just going to cut right to the chase here since two years of film studies taught me that I don't actually like writing about movies all that much and present my complains in convenient list form.

-Apatow seemed to have a knack for making movies that were full of hilarious comedy but still managed to have lots of heart. This one had neither.
Enough said.

-The stuff that's supposed to be funny isn't, and the parts that are supposed to be dramatic aren't compelling.
The laughs were few and far between, but there were plenty of moments where I felt like I was supposed to be laughing but I wasn't. I felt like all the stand up scenes were supposed to be funny, but I know that if I saw half that shit in a comedy club I wouldn't even crack a smile. The parts that were supposed to evoke some kind of emotional response were just stagnant as fuck. Not once did I ever really care about these characters and what they were going through. Sandler's character was such a jerk I almost just wanted him to hurry up and die. And I never wanted Seth Rogen to get the girl. That was just fucked up.

-It tries to be two things at once and doesn't do either of them particularly well.
Funny People is both a look at a group of guys trying to make it in the business, and a story about a guy dealing with his own mortality, unhappiness, while trying to win back the love of his life. The A story and the B story never really seemed to gel. Sometimes I felt like I was watching two completely different movies.

-People have occasionally complained that Apatow doesn't know how to write female characters. I'm starting to agree with this.
Seriously, what the fuck was with Leslie Mann's character? How did she not smack Sandler in the face when he didn't tell her immediately that he was getting better? How did she even temporarily think it would be a good idea to run back to him? And most importantly, why the fuck wasn't she funny? It just feels like such a huge fucking waste of talent.

-This movie had no business being two and a half fucking hours long.
If I'm going to sit my ass in a movie theatre chair for that long I better be getting some epic shit. I'm talking Lord of the Rings or fucking Titanic level epicness. I really don't understand how anyone sat in an editing room and decided that every single one of those scenes needed to stay in that movie. Especially all that shit of Adam Sandler's character's movies. One or two scenes of him waxing nostalgic, or a few posters in the background would have been fine. I did not need to see so much of the baby man or that merman fuckery. Especially when the merman did nothing but remind me of an actually funny movie you may have heard of called Zoolander.

I get that the title was trying to be ironic, I'm even a total sucker for movies that get slapped with the "dramedy" label, but this was just one big ol' bloated mess.

Terminator: Strength of the Human Heart

SPOILERS, obvs.


I’m going to start this by saying that I’m a fan of bug dumb action movies. I know that sometimes you just have to turn your brain off and enjoy the ride. Yet, even I have my limits. Terminator Salvation crossed the line from “mindless entertainment” and headed into “straight up dumb” territory.

That’s not to say that McG didn’t succeed in terms of some fun action. Stuff blew up, and it sure did look cool, but I have to believe that lying on some figurative editing room floor there is a version of this film where the plot and actions of the characters actually make some fucking sense. Take for example Moon Bloodgood’s character whose name I can’t fucking remember. Let’s say you’ve been fighting in an all out war against the machines. You know they want you dead. You know they can’t be trusted. Yet you seriously think it’s okay to lie to Common so you can release him because there’s absolutely no way he could be lying to you because he looks like a “man”?

I also know that when watching movies there’s this whole “suspension of disbelief” thing you have to do. But do not tell me that it’s safe and possible to detonate what are essentially a bunch of nuclear bombs that wipe out an entire Sky Net facility while you’re in some goddam helicopter right fucking next to it. If those visions from T2 taught me anything, that is not how fucking nuclear bombs work. Also, you shoot the Terminators in the head! Everyone knows that!

Another thing I normally don’t mind is when a movie, even a big dumb action movie, tries to have some sort of moral or message. What I do have a problem with is when they repeatedly smack you in the face with it. The question of what makes humans different from the machines is one that comes up over and over again in sci-fi, and now we don’t need to wonder anymore. It’s our heart. Literally. See, Marcus has a heart, and that’s why he turns his back on Bellatrix Lestrange and goes to save John Connor. That’s why when we see through the eyes of the terminator trying to kill him his “vulnerability” is his heart. He is killed by a punch to his heart. He is revived by a shock to his heart. John Connor almost dies because he is stabbed through his heart. Then (in an ending that felt ripped straight from a Michael Bay film) in a totally sterile desert operating room, Marcus give John his heart so that He, John Connor, the HEART of the Human resistance, can continue to live. GET IT? DID YOU GET IT YET?

B+ for the action, F- for the plot and for making no fucking sense.

Also, while watching, a fun game to play is trying to guess at what exact moment Christian Bale lost his shit. Honestly, I think that was my favourite part.

Suck It Nerds!

I do realize that I could take a few minutes to write out an actual review of this movie, but there are already tons of those out there put up by people who actually get paid to do that shit. Instead, I'm just going to do this:



am i rite?

Who Watches the Watchhmen?

So we saw Watchmen on Friday night. It wasn't sold out, but it was pretty packed. There was no one really dressed up, just a couple of smiley face pins and a girl who squealed at the end of the Wolverine trailer. I could go on about how much I loved the movie, but that's already been done to death on the internet. Instead of writing a review, I'm just going to point out a very astute and hilarious observation we had while watching the movie: Apparently, Laurie Jupiter is such a fucking hipster.



Hat, tilted back on head to allow for optimal view of blunt bangs? Check. Pair of Ray-Ban Wavers? Check. Leather coat? check.



Black leggings? Check. Shoes? Check.

She might as well be Erin from The City. JS.

Don't Kid Yourself, You're An Indie Clone

To celebrate October 3rd (Mean Girls. Watch it.) we decided to catch Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. I'm going to be honest, this movie more or less felt like what would happen if an issue of Nylon puked all over a reel of film. Everything from the premise (trying to catch a secret show by a favourite band), to the opening credits (which listed every act on the soundtrack), to the cameo by Bishop Allen, to every damn poster on Nick's wall (this list could go on for pages), screamed "hipster" with a capital "H." Not that there's anything wrong with that.

In spite of the film's obvious efforts to be "cool," it somehow manages to be pretty enjoyable. Unlike certain other Michael Cera starring pseudo-indie movies, the references and dialogue rarely get in the way of your enjoyment and none of the characters make you want to punch them in the face every time they open their mouths. As long as you don't take the movie, or yourself, too seriously and can laugh instead of roll your eyes when Nick tries to one up Norah about how early he liked a band, you'll probably like this movie. So throw on your Wayfarers, Chucks, overpriced plaid shirt from Urban Outfitters, get on your one speed bike and go see this movie.

Oh, and if your looking for some laughs, check out the IMDB boards for this one. Shit is hysterical.

What You Should Be Watching

Ghost Town (2008)



After ten days of being in release Ghost Town hasn't managed to crack the $10 million mark at the box office. This is not right.

Maybe a little predictable, but still funny and endearing, Ghost Town is simply about a man who dies a little bit during a routine medical procedure and then comes back with the ability to see ghosts. Hilarity and life lessons then ensue. Ricky Gervais is, as always, brilliant. There movie also features strong supporting performances from Greg Kinnear and even Tea Leoni.

So, get out there and see it people and save yourself from wasting your money on Eagle Eye. It's worth it.