Old Skool Joint of the Week #8

Skee-Lo - "I Wish"

I've definitely been slacking when it comes to these posts lately, but as part of my quest to finally reach 100 posts on this blog by the end of this year, I might try and pick it up. Emphasis on "might."

This week's Old Skool Joint comes to you via a short video interview of the incomparable Ms. Megan Fox. When asked if there was anything she would like to change about herself she answered, "I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her." Since she's currently my favourite celebrity, it only made sense to throw this song up on the blog.

When I decided to check Wikipedia to see if I could find something to say about Skee-Lo other than "This song came out in 1995 and was on my Hit List compilation cd," I found out that this was somehow actually nominated for a Grammy. It went up against Notorious B.I.G.'s "Big Poppa," 2Pac's "Dear Mama," Busta's "Woo Hah!! Got You All In Check," and lost to Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise." I'm just going to let that information summer for a while and let you all figure out what I think the Grammy voters were smoking that year.

And here's the aforementioned Megan Fox video for the hell of it:

What Not To Do On Television

Now, I know I'm a little late on this, but as some of you may know Wednesday's episode of Oprah was a tribute to Michael Jackson. Rather than just re-airing her entire 1993 interview with him from Neverland Ranch, she decided to fill the show with what felt like 20 solid minutes of her reflecting on the experience of interviewing him. In theory, this might have sounded like a pretty good idea, but instead she just rambled on about thoughts I don't believe she really had and seemed to suggest that if she had reached out to him she could have done something to save him.

That's not what I'm making this post to complain about though. Did you notice something a little odd in that screen cap up there? No? Let me make it a little more obvious for you:


No, that's not an especially furry couch cushion, it's a dog. A dog that spent her segment sleeping in various positions and looking a whole lot like it was dead. It was more fun trying to see if the dog was breathing that it was listening to anything Oprah had to say. Eventually it moved around a bit, starting out on her lap with its nose in her crotch. I don't understand how anyone didn't think to move the dog from the couch at that point. Then slowly moved from shot to shot to the left of the frame and eventually disappeared. Fucking distracting.

The dog basically stole the show, since Oprah spent her time blathering on about how she could see Michael's veins and cut out some essential bits of the interview. You know, like the part when she awkwardly jams to Michael beat boxing and singing "Who Is It" acapella:



Or whenever this happened:

What We're Turning (Before We're Off It)

As one half of the hardest working couples in the business, I expect nothing but greatness from Jigga. Not going to lie, the silent excitement I had for this album began when "Jockin' Jay-Z" dropped whenever it did last year. So when it finally leaked two weeks ago, I couldn't resist.

I'll say it: It's not a 'hit', nor is it a 'miss'. Sure, "Run This Town" takes a week to grow on you, and yea, the album ends on a weak note (was that closer really a "Forever Young" sample, Jay? really?), but there's no denying that this album's got fire, and maybe worth the $14.99 (or however much CD's cost these days --Wait. I mean. OF COURSE I STILL BUY CDs, I'M NOT SOME SORT OF EYE-PATCH-WEARING-PEG-LEG-PIRATE arr).

My favorites: Empire State of Mind (feat. Alicia Keys), Off That (Feat. Drake), Venus vs. Mars, A Star is Born (feat. J. MF Cole)

My quasi-positive review of the album, may have something to do with the fact that T managed to score some pretty epic seats for his Vancouver concert. At the very least, it's worth a download.

PS: Sincerest apologies to our non-existent readers for making yesterday's post. I had a momentarily lapse in judgment (which is not to say that I'm not jamming to some New Boyz right now), and I promise to be exercise some self-disclosure when detailing my cougar-ways. I'll just talk about Drake from now on, which I'm sure, is something T will thoroughly enjoy.

[As Embarassing As It Is] What I'm Turning #somethingorother

New Boyz feat. Ray-J - Tie Me Down

Lord only knows why I willingly post shit like this on this blog no one reads, instead of pushing some of my other horrible musical addictions (that I refuse to mention [DRAKEDRAKEDRAKE]) that are enthusiastically supported by the hip hop community (WHICH I AM OF COURSE APART OF...DUH). But the heart wants what it wants... Right?

This is embarassing for several reasons, one of them being the fact that I'm 22, five years older than these skinny-jean-wearing mother fuckers (adorable as they may be gawd, fml). Another reason? RAY-J IS ON THIS SONG. Nevertheless, I've been bumping these empty-tiny-backpack-wearing dickbags this entire morning.

Embarassing? Absolutely. But have you been dancing all morning? Didn't think so (ok, maybe you have, but just let me have this... I mean, I've been listening to New Boyz all morning)!

Sidenote: Gawd, skinny jeans? I thought I was off that*.

*and so begins the Drake-lyrics-dropping. I apologize in advance.

Post #59 In Which We Re-Cast Heathers

Yesterday we were sitting around watching Heathers, and naturally, we got to talking about what would happen if there were to be a remake. Honestly, it's only a matter of time before someone in Hollywood gets around to it. I mean, they've got to be running out of material to recycle by now. (I know there's been talk of a sequel for years, but I think that actually makes even less sense than a straight up remake, so we'll just pretend that never happened.) It took us a few tries to come up with the perfect cast, (it's hard to think of young male actors that aren't RPattz or Zac Effron), but I think we've finally got it:



Kat Dennings in the place of Winona Ryder, and Juno subbing in for Christian Slater. Lesbians (well, the fake ones at least) are still "in" right? So it's bound to make some bank at the box office. Diablo Cody would of course be asked to write it. It's the only way to make sure that the correct number of pop culture references and the appropriate fake slang make it in the movie. Plus, they'd have to come up with new catchphrases since "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw" wouldn't fly in this PG-13 world we're living in.

In the same vein, they'd probably have to rework the plot a bit too. I don't know how staged teenage suicides and bomb threats would go over in a post-Columbine society. Maybe they could just put nasty pictures of the Heathers on Facebook or something. Or probably MySpace since the movie would be put out by Fox Searchlight.

Bit parts could be played by pretty much anyone who is on the cover of J-14, but the role of "Martha Dumptruck" would have to be changed to "Michael Dumptruck" so it could be played by Jonah Hill. He would spend half the movie yelling, cursing, and making dick and fart jokes for no apparent reason.

The entire thing would be set to a soundtrack of songs you may have heard while shopping in an Urban Outfitters. It would also be protested by the Westboro Baptists Church upon release.

I don't know about you guys, but I think we've got something going here.

[EDIT]: You have got to be fucking kidding me: "Heathers Remake Becomes a TV Series". I don't know how I missed this little piece of "news" floating around the internet, but I guess our imaginations weren't quite grotesque enough. Maybe they can get that kid who was Ethan on 90210 to play JD. He's probably still looking for work.

Sometimes, the internet wins.

Did homeboy come in character?(click on picture to enlarge)

Old Skool Joint of the Week #7

Damn, did I really let over half a month go by without putting something new up on this blog that no one reads? (I mean, seriously, if you do read it can you leave a comment sometime? It feels so lonely out here. Wait, did that come off as desperate? Yeah, I guess it was pretty desperate. But I ain't apologizing to our non-existent readers anyway). What was I saying? Oh right. New post.

September sure snuck up on me pretty fast. This is usually a pretty sad time of year for me, and this year is especially rough since this is pretty much the last Summer Vacation I'll ever have. Come this time next year, I won't be "on vacation," I'll just be "unemployed." The point is, I'm feeling a more nostalgic than ever and that made it a little hard to pick a song to post up here.

I figured I'd go back to another time I was starting the last of something. In September 1999 I was just starting seventh grade, and you know what was pretty fucking big back during that transitional year of my life? Jennifer Lopez.

So let's all take a few minutes to remember a time before every magazine felt the need to come up with a "clever" nick name for every celebrity couple. Back when obnoxious hair clips, blonde highlights, and big puffy jackets were acceptable. And most importantly, a time when people understood the importance of a fierce dance break in the middle of a song:

Jennifer Lopez - "Feelin' So Good